Are you self-sabotaging your relationships?

It’s all going so well, you’ve had a few dates, and you really, really like him.

He makes you laugh. You’re enjoying each other’s company. He actually could be ‘the one’ you’ve been waiting for.

At last, you say to yourself with a great big smug smile, at last, he’s here.

Your friends are excited for you as you tell them how great he is.

And then…..

He goes quiet, which triggers your insecurities.

Or he does something or says something that gets you wondering if you value the same things in life.

Your inner saboteur has arrived!

Just when things are about to get really good or when your relationship is about to go to the next level, that pesky sabotaging part inside of you comes out to play.

Ever had that?

Your inner voice starts to talk you out seeing him again, or he says something that makes you feel not good enough?

Even worse, you do something that makes him want to run a mile, and you can’t understand why you did it.

And your bubble of happiness bursts, just like that.

Here we go again.

I get it, this was my pattern for a long time, and it hurts. It’s really painful as you question what it is you are doing wrong, or where it all went wrong and I lost all hope of ever finding someone to love me. 

As a blubbering mess lying on the bed staring into space, feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. Sad, anger, guilt. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I’m a successful woman, and for goodness sake, I hardly even knew him.

However, even if you did only know him for a short time, that hope has gone.

That hope of happiness of your future together has been swiped from under your feet and has left you wondering, what happened? Why is this happening to me again?  It was going so well.

Friends reassure you, saying ‘he wasn’t the one’ ‘I’m sure it’s nothing you did’ ‘It’s him not you’ ‘you’re better off without him.’

And although they are trying to help, this is not helpful.

The truth is..

..until you get clear on what beliefs you have lurking under the surface about relationships,
this will keep happening again and again and again.

This is about taking responsibility for the part you played.
Gulp.

I know, it’s a hard pill to swallow; however, you will keep attracting the same patterns time and time again until you do.

And knowing this is actually empowering.

Because it means you’re back in the driving seat of your life.  When you heal your heart and clear these sabotaging patterns, you won’t attract the same experience again.

I sabotaged so many, what would have been great relationships because deep down I was scared of commitment. I discovered that I had a belief that taking the relationship to the next level meant I would lose my freedom.

I thought I would lose a part of myself and wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted.

So just when each relationship was going somewhere, I would go off him, become needy or do something stupid.

All to keep me in my somewhat ‘uncomfortable’ comfort zone of being on my own. Which, to me, was better than losing my freedom.

But the truth is when I let go of those beliefs, I attracted a man who wanted to commit to me and I was ready. A man who’s so comfortable with who he is, he values his freedom as much as I do.

As Alain de Botton said in his Youtube talk about love

 ‘we attract someone who will make us suffer in a way we are familiar with’

And until we let go of our subconscious programming from our childhood, we really do.

Love always

Rebecca x

P.s. If you know you need overcome your self sabotaging patterns and heal your heart then book a call today.